autumnafternoon

I guess you’ve already guessed I have commitment issues….yup, one of my character flaws.  I go balls out on something, turn away for a bit… and before I realize, I’ve moved on to some new passion.  It’s not for lack of interest.  I never “lose” interest in something really, I more often then not come back to it at some point.  No, my real problem is that I simply can’t keep up with all the things I want to do.   Because I want to do everything; I want to go to school, I want to exercise and be healthy, I want to draw and paint, I want to write insightful and deep memoirs, I want to travel the world, I want to belly dance, I want to play piano, I want to speak Italian, I want to read so many good books, I want to sew gorgeous clothes and knit fantastic cabled works of art…and I always want to be there for my family…. it frustrates me to no end that I can’t do it all. 

But it was family that took priority this weekend.  My mom and sisters came to town.  It was wonderful.  I miss them terribly, and every time we get together I realize how much I’m missing not being near them. They all live 20 minutes away from each other.  I live 100 miles away….it sucks.   But we did have a great time this weekend.  We laugh, and talk, and stay up late, and shop…we try to cram in a week’s worth of stuff into a couple of days. 

I was sure I was taking the summer off.  Last semester kicked my butt badly.  But in the end, I opted for just one class…an online Psychology class.  I’m now 3 classes away from my A.A. and two of them are math classes…yuck.   But I’m so close….I almost can’t believe how close I am.  I mean, transferring to Stan State is in the near future!  It’s been a faraway dream for so long to get my degree and dare I say, even my masters.  But until now it’s been very distant.  I’m also back to listening to my Italian tapes (I’ve been trying to teach myself Italian for years), you know, just in case I don’t move to the coast and opt for moving to Italy instead…I’m just sayin’.   Oh, and then there’s the front yard I want to re-do.  It’ll take just about every weekend to get this project completed.  You see….I get restless if I’m not juggling multiple things.  Sometimes this is a really cool trait, sometimes it’s a curse.   

After my family left today, I told myself to get off my butt, go into the game room and work out.  I have almost every possible workout device at my disposal.  I really have no excuse.  I walked the treadmill for 2 miles, biked a mile on the exercise bike (any more would have given me blisters on my butt) and I did some ab work on the exercise ball.  When I finished I felt so damn good and I asked myself, “Why don’t you do this every day, for crying out loud!?”  I don’t know why.  But I guess it’s that I’ll try to stick to a daily routine and then something else will take priority.  And before I know it, a month will have gone by without a single workout…..terrible.  But my weight is now a major issue for me.  I’ve NEVER weighed as much as I do now, not even when I was nine months pregnant with my sons.  I’ve let it go too long.  I know I will feel better and look better if I get this under control.  My weight is affecting my health, my mood, my confidence and my ego… and until I get back into shape, I can’t give up. 

The Geology final was HARD.  Even after all that studying, I found myself guessing on quite a few answers.  If I come out of this class with a “C” I’ll be happy, although a “B” would be much better (please, please, please).   So now all I’ve got left is a final next Saturday in speech and I’m done for the semester…..sigh.

I think I’m relapsing.  My cough has continued for three weeks now.  I don’t really feel sick, just very tired.  I could just sleep and sleep.  I can’t find the energy to do anything more than what I absolutely have to.  Everyone keeps telling me this is just the tail end of the bronchitis I had, but damn…this is kicking my butt.  I really thought I’d have an exercise routine started by now, but about all I can muster these days is my three 15 minute walks during breaks and lunch.  And when I get home…I’m positively wiped out.  I realize that this was a really bad cold.  I’ve been sick with colds and the flu plenty of times, but nothing had knocked me down like this one did.  But I can’t help but worry if my age has something to do with not being able to bounce back like I normally do.  Wow, that’s depressing.

On to happier thoughts….I haven’t been on the scale yet this week, but my clothes are feeling much more comfortable.  Dare I say, even flattering?   I’m so looking forward to being able to wear some cute (and form fitting) clothes this summer without stuff “hanging out the side” if you know what I mean.   I’m tired of trying on clothes only to see spare tires and ghastly back boobs staring back at me in the mirror, lol.

The weather keeps going from warm to downright chilly here in
Modesto.  And my tummy doesn’t know what it wants…crisp cold salad or hot yummy soup?  Whatever, I’m not feeling very satisfied.  But I’m sticking to healthy and that’s what counts, right? 

Have a wonderful evening Friends.  It’s only 7pm my time, but I’m in my p.j.’s and I’m off to bed.  Maybe I’ll read or knit, but more likely I’ll sleep.  Goodnight.

What an awesome day I’ve had today!  Got up this morning and went to class…nervous as heck because today was the day of my group speech.  I couldn’t even eat breakfast since I was so nervous.  My group was scheduled to go last and that’s the worse thing, because the longer I sit there the more freaked out I get…but when it was our turn we went up there and aced it!! Now all that’s left is a Geology Final (that I was able to reschedule to Monday) and a speech final next Saturday. 

After class I went over to The Urban Sheep, the new yarn store here in
Modesto, to meet a friend for some knitting.  This shop is wonderful!  I’ve been waiting and waiting for a nice fiber store to open up here in town and it was worth the wait.  Sylvia and Chris (the owners) are the nicest ladies you’ll ever meet.  The shop is full of the most beautiful yarns and has such a welcoming atmosphere that once I get there, it’s really hard to leave.  What’s even cooler is that it’s in the same building as a health food store and a soon-to-open wine/beer and panini sandwich shop!  Talk about heaven!  If they add a coffee shop, I’m moving in!  If you’re ever in
Modesto and you’re into knitting, crochet and spinning you should definitely pay them a visit.

After my knitting fix, I came home had a healthy yummy lunch and hit the garden.  I’d just been itching all week to get out there and plant.  Well I got my fill today!  An awesome variegated pink lemon tree, some gorgeous blue cranesbill geraniums, some pink variegated parsley and two different varieties of corral bells are just some of the things I got planted today!  I just love to garden!  It’s so rewarding and great exercise too!

Well, my first week was a success I think.  I lost 2 pounds!  And I’ll be thrilled if I loose another 2 pounds (or more!) by next Friday.  Well off to some more studying! I hope you all have a wonderful weekend!!!

Ok, I’ve been trying to stay positive and have a good attitude…I really have. But, son-of-a-bitch, my car is acting up again. I found myself asking today, “Have I offended the Gods in some way…you know bad karma and the like?” But honestly, I can’t remember being unkind to old people, pinching babies or kicking any kittens. I’m a good person….so, what the hell?

I just have to take a deep breath, that’s it. Never mind that I’m flat broke, that my car is sending up the white flag, that I’m battling ants all over the house (they’re even coming out of the electrical outlets, for crying out loud!), and that the overall mood of the family is in the tank today.

Maybe some chanting will help, “Ommmmmm.” There…much better. Sometimes I forget that I have a family that loves me, a job to make more money, and a home to battle ants in. I’m truly blessed and I need to remember that. The older I get, the more I realize that every day of our lives is full of opportunities…we just have to choose whether to learn and grow from them or sulk and gripe about them. I guess I choose to grow. (:

As for my diet, I did super today, Friends! I had a nice bowl of raisin bran for breakfast, a bowl of vegetable soup and an orange for lunch, and for dinner a boneless, skinless chicken breast and vegetables in teriyaki sauce with steamed rice…..yummy and healthy too!

Well, back to the four chapters of Geology homework that’s due by midnight tonight…yeah, I sort of waited ‘til the last minute on this. Have a wonderful evening…hope your dreams are sweet (but sugar free!). Oh yeah…speaking of which, I almost forgot to mention, I lost two pounds this week! Hurray!

As many of you know, it was Administrative Expert Appreciation Day. And the managers and directors in our office, being the generous and giving people that they are, put on a helluva spread for us. Chicken, Carnitas (fried pork…my weakness!), tortillas, and every fixing you can imagine that a burrito could want…guacamole, sour cream, cheese, etc.

But wait it gets better…ice cream cake for desert. Bless them for being so nice, but talk about being put on the spot….how could I say no?

Well, I guess I really didn’t do too badly. I had one flour tortilla with mostly chicken, just a little bit of pork, no sour cream or cheese, lots and lots of lettuce and tomatoes and onions and a fairly small piece of the ice cream cake. But still…let’s be clear, that was probably my whole day’s worth of calories in one meal. Arrggghhhh!

But in all honesty, I knew this was coming today. I didn’t know what we were getting for lunch but I was figuring it wouldn’t be anything low fat, lol. So to make up for today’s (clears throat) “transgression”, I had sliced cucumbers with lemon juice for dinner last night. And I had a bowl of oatmeal this morning and sliced cucumbers with lemon again for dinner tonight. Hopefully this will help in undoing what I ate today. And I’m right back on track tomorrow!

On another note….my wonderful husband has fixed my car. Hurray!!!! Like I said, tomorrows can always be better…all we have to do is have hope.

Have a wonderful night everyone. I’ve just finished my portion of the group speech for this Saturday’s class and I’m pooped. Stay strong and keep telling yourself, “WE CAN DO THIS!!!”

I haven’t mentioned it until now, but my husband is one of the many hardworking Americans who have lost their jobs due to this crappy economy. He was laid off back in December and (to our dismay) nothing has panned out for him yet. I have faith in him. I know something will come along eventually. All I can say for now is, “Thank you Unemployment!” Without it we would have lost everything by now. I only get paid once a month and my check covers the mortgage with a few hundred dollars to spare. But it’s all good…. we’ve been hanging in there. We don’t do the things we used to, we don’t buy the things we used to and we play pin-the-tail-on-the-donkey to decide which utility bills will get paid this month, LOL. Hey, you have to have a sense of humor about these things right? Well today, my son drove the car to the JC and the damn thing broke down. My husband has already tried to fix it once before, but apparently it “didn’t take”. I tell you, I never ask what else can happen because chances are, it will….but I really had myself one hell of a pity party today. I mean, doesn’t life just suck sometimes? Well, that’s what I was thinking, but then I remembered - a wonderful person I worked with at another office died last Friday after battling cancerous tumors in his brain for over a year. He left behind a beautiful wife and young children. It was a slap from reality, I tell you.
I realized….THAT IS WHAT CAN BE CLASSIFED AS TRULY SUCKING. As long as we’re alive, things can always change for the better. We can be rich one minute and poor the next, but as long as we are healthy and alive, we can work for whatever is important to us. And the best we can hope for is a non-eventful life, LOL. This is what I will tell myself whenever I start to get down and overwhelmed.

On a brighter and lighter note….I had another good diet day. A bowl of Special K for breakfast, a wonderful salad with extra beets, sprouts and peppers at lunch, some fruit salad and a slice of Angel food cake this afternoon (we had a birthday in the office) and since I’m not the least bit hungry this evening, maybe a piece of fruit.

For now, I wish you all good health and a non-eventful evening!

I’d been out of work for a week with bronchitis. Today was my first day back and it was hard getting up this morning. But you know what made it a little easier? Feeling a bit lighter on my feet! Because of the foods I’ve been eating, I didn’t wake up bloated and uncomfortable (you know what I’m talking about).

I’ve been wearing size 14’s for quite a while now, which is not good…but even worse is that recently those 14’s were getting tighter and tighter. But not this morning. Today, I was able to get a pair of my bigger size 14 slacks on without holding my breath or feeling that painful bind around my waist. I want to eventually get back to a size 7/8. I realize I’m NOOOO where near that and I don’t dare step on a scale yet…it hasn’t even been a week. But that’s ok, because I’m on the right track!

Today, I had some healthy oatmeal for breakfast…yum, and some more of my leftover vegatable soup for lunch, followed by a sliced apple for an afternoon snack. Pretty good right? Then I came home from work…..and my husband hinted that because I’m on a diet, he and the boys aren’t getting the yummy dinners they like. Hmmmmm, I guess it’s time to test myself! I fried up some cubed lean pork and diced potatoes with lots of fajita seasoning, steamed some corn with butter and chile flakes, and made a big pot of spanish rice. Now, I want you to know how much I LOVE, LOVE, LOVE my cooking. I learned how to cook from my mom and she makes the best Mexican dishes. Well, the boys chowed down and I…. warmed up another bowl vegetable soup. Now, don’t feel bad for me, I love my vetable soup….but those darn pork and potatoes were singing to me, lol. I drank a bottle of water so now I was completely full…but I still had a craving for the flavor of the pork and potatoes. So guess what I did. I allowed myself one cube of pork and one cube of potato. It probably sounds really silly, but I enjoyed the hell out those two little cubes of food. I chewed them ever so slowly, really paying attention to the flavor, and when I was done I walked out of the kitchen! I know it seems like a really small thing…but this is major for me! I can usually pile a plate and chew and swallow half of it before I even stop to enjoy it. What a waste!

Well, now it’s time for some homework and studying. I have a Geology Final on Friday and a Group Presentation on Saturday in Speech that I need to prepare for. And if I have any time left, I’d like to knit a few rows on my cardigan before bedtime. I hope your day has been as succesful as mine. We have to cheer for ourselves every day. But if it wasn’t..no worries. Forget about it because tomorrow’s a new day and you can try again! I’ll be pulling for you…because Friends, we’re in this together and we can do it!!!

Yesterday I had oatmeal for breakfast, a bowl of leftover homemade bean and lentil soup for lunch.  Then, in spite of how warm it was, I got a craving for some vegetable soup.  I went into the kitchen and filled a pot with baby carrots, brocolli, cauliflower, onions, bellpepper, tomoatoes and celery….basically cleaned out my vegie drawer.  I seasoned the soup with garlic powder, chopped dried onion, chicken bouillon and a Mexican cooking staple I keep at all times…a concoction of chile powder and Menudo mix seasoning.  20 minutes later and omygosh…I had some awsome vegetable soup.  I ate a bowl….and about 2 hours later, I had another.  So satisfying and so healthy!

My youngest had a friend over to spend the night and my husband decided to surprise them with Del Taco…hamburgers, tacos, and a huge order of chile cheese fries FOR ME!!!!!  It just about killed me, but I said NOOOOO!!!!  My oldest enjoyed them very much, lol.  Then this morning, my dear husband wakes me with one of thos 5,000 calorie yummy-to-death coffees!!!   I wanted to hug him and hit him at the same time!!!  I put it in the frig for my youngest to enjoy and made myself a pot of coffee…..black, no creamer! 

This is tough…but I’m determined.  I can do this!  Just writing about it every day is helping so much.  I know it won’t always go this well, but that’s ok.  As long as I get back on track right away, I may just reach my goal!

Well, I made it through Day One.  It seems like such a small thing, but It’s gotten really hard for me to resist pigging out.  I ate healthy meals and drank plenty of water all day.  But last night,  as I sat typing my film analysis paper for speech communication class (my computer sits right next to the kitchen), it was so damn hard not to go into the kitchen for a snack.  And I know myself…once I grab one thing, it’s like I go into auto pilot and start eating everything in sight!  It’s surreal!!!  After I do this, I can’t believe it was me….it’s like being posessed by a freaking pig demon, lol.  But I’m happy to say, I did resist.  I drank a bottle of water, finished my paper and went to bed.

I’m just starting to feel better after a week at home with bronchitis.  I may actually muster enough energy for a light walking today.  That will surely help my motabolism.    But first….more homework.  The end of the semester is near and I can see a light at the end of the tunnel.  I know you all can relate to juggling work, family, school and chores.  But it’s nice to know that I’m taking some time for me, my health and my body.  It’s going to be a great summer! 

My knitting group pals and I went on a Alpaca Farm field trip last weekend and we took lots and lots of pictures. I just about died when I saw the pics of myself. Then I went to a doctor appointment this week and found out I weigh more now than when I was 9 month pregnant with my kids!!! So I’ve joined Buddyslim and I created a pretty little collage of my pics to hang on the refrigerator….it’s working so far, lol.

On a brighter note, I’m so happy to be part of this group. I’m already making new friends and everyone seems so helpful, understanding and supportive. I’m off to a good start!